


home

by menokami



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Smut, Forgive Me, M/M, PWP, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, but mostly... angst, i mean there's SORTA plot..., idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-08-19 06:53:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8194577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/menokami/pseuds/menokami
Summary: home isn't really a place, after all





	

**Author's Note:**

> this is a really depressing continuation of the last fic "like a dog"
> 
> wHAT IM NOT CRYING?? YOURE CRYING!!

When Mello opened his eyes, the first thing he saw were the cracks in the ceiling. He blinked up at them drearily, thinking that, as ugly as those cracks were, he'd let himself grow used to them, and now, this would be the last good look at them; and getting lost in that dismal thought, he felt warm breath fan over his shoulder and cold toes nudge his feet and _oh_ -?

Mello rolled onto his side. Matt shifted beside him. He pulled his lips to one side, his smirk not quite as shit-eating as usual, and exhaled a soft breath. Leaning over the sleeping body, Mello peered at the alarm clock; eight-thirty a.m.. It was Nintendothemed; a memorabilia from Matt’s childhood, one of the very few possessions he'd bothered to take with him. Sometimes, Mello forgot that when he left, Matt was only fourteen- their ages were very close- and now? _Nineteen._

_Young.. Too young.._

Five years could change a person- it really, _really_ could- but Mello didn’t think Matt changed all too much; he’d gotten taller, sure, and his shoulders were broader and his face wasn’t too small for those ugly orange goggles, but he was still the same kid. Matt... was honest and kind and _loyal_ , when Mello didn't think he deserved it, and he was the last of Mello’s wishes to come true.

Beside the alarm clock, Mello’s phone buzzed with another alarm; he couldn't be too careful, right? He decided to ignore it. It was _that_ day. This had been planned out for weeks, all the risks made clear, and Matt? He could have left, but.. being the obedient dog that he was... Matt was still here.

Resting on his elbow, Mello peered down at him. Matt wasn’t wearing a shirt- he wore a pair of loose boxers, and- Mello had to withhold a chuckle when he saw that the redhead had one sock on- and blue eyes followed the expanse of Matt's chest; flawless, scarless, dusted with a few light freckles. Mello marveled at how their skin tones contrasted, as his fingers drew invisible patterns along Matt’s neck and down to his shoulder.

Matt’s eyelashes fluttered at the feeling. He was surely awake now, Mello thought, and so, he leaned down and pressed a warm kiss to Matt’s temple; down to his cheek, his eyelids, then the corner of his lips.. He shifted, then. Matt leaned towards the touch, and, eyes still closed, reached out to the blond, tangling his fingers into Mello’s hair and tugging him closer.

Matt’s breath still had the lingering scent of cigarette smoke, and Mello’s neck hurt from the angle, but he was sort of worried he’d start crying then and there. This was all new, but this was familiar, and comfortable, and-

 _Home_ , he thought, _this is what home must feel like._

And.. with one final, lingering peck, Matt pulled away.

“Good morning, sunshine,” he said. His voice was lower than usual, and rough, and quiet. His words were playful, but the usual smile to accompany them was missing. “How’d you sleep?”

Mello felt his lips turn down. He didn’t bother hiding it. There was no point, now; it was just the two of them, after all.

“Fine,” he replied.

“Fine..” Matt repeated to the gap between Mello’s lips, and then, he kissed him again; more incessantly, this time. He licked against the roof of Mello’s mouth until Mello felt his body turn into jello. He wanted to melt into Matt’s touch; to turn into putty or liquid and seep into every crevice of Matt’s being, as if he hadn’t done that the night before.

Falling back against the pillow, Mello sighed through his nose. Matt cupped his face- as if he always did, as if they always kissed, and Mello cursed silently- _why did we wait_ -, and he could feel Matt’s smoky breath fan over his cheeks.

“We still have an hour,” Mello told him.

Matt smiled at him, as if this scarred mess with the pretty hair was the best thing he’d ever seen.

“Is that… is that an invitation?” he replied. Mello licked his lips and looked toward the window.

“Maybe."

Matt reached for the bottle of lube- something he'd never bought nor had use for, other than last night.

“Never thought I’d get to use this twice,” Matt remarked as he uncapped the bottle. Mello laughed, at that; and it sounded like bells, Matt thought.

“How d’you want it?” Matt asked.

Mello paused, for a moment, and considered his options. He furrowed his brows, and splayed his fingers over Matt’s chest, feeling the steady rise and fall of his heartbeat. How many more times would that heart pump? One, two, three- _No, best not to count down._

“I want to ride you,” Mello settled.

Matt grinned. It was amazing that he could look so carefree, still. As if this was the greatest day of his life..

“Nice,” he spoke. As Mello got to his knees- blanket pooling around his hips- and pressed his palms against Matt’s chest, Matt ran his fingertips up and down Mello’s thighs. As he smiled up at Mello like that, all was forgotten; Mello simply smiled back.

“You’re pretty when you smile,” Matt told him. He reached up to tuck a strand of blond hair behind Mello's ear.

Mello exhaled a laugh. It wasn't as if he'd said anything particularly funny, but Matt was happy to hear that laughter, and thought he was beautiful, then and there; he was bruised from the night before, and yeah, his burnt, bumpy scars stood out against smooth skin, but he was undoubtedly, absolutely _beautiful_.

Mello didn’t really know what to reply to that. All he could do was watch his fingers drum on Matt’s chest and let him lean up and kiss his cheek and earlobe as his hands moved behind him to spread him open. Spreading the lube on his fingers and warming it up, Matt pressed his thumb against Mello’s entrance as he shifted. He sat up, back flush against the headboard. Mello settled in his lap once more, and wrapped his arms around Matt’s neck. He let his fingers skim over his shoulders- broad and warm and freckly- and down his sternum before resting again over his beating heart.

 _He’s here_ , Mello thought, _we're here; we made it; we’re alive and he's safe; pause pause pause fuck-_

“Mail..” He started. His voice shook a little as Matt pushed a finger inside. “You.. you can still go.”

“What?” Matt laughed into Mello’s ear, breath warm and familiar. He slid a second finger inside, and Mello swore he was on fire again.

“Go, you should- _ah_ \- go home.” Mello curled against Matt’s chest just as Matt curled his fingers.

“Okay,” Matt replied, “..Here I am.”

“It's not fucking time for jok-” Mello choked on his words as Matt thrust his fingers upwards with a hushed _shhh_ and Mello jerked upwards before collapsing on Matt’s chest.

“Home is where the heart is~,” Matt told him, “And why would I leave now, when you'll do something stupid like-”

“Mail.”

He added a third finger and thrusted up once more; maybe this was his way of getting even, perhaps, but it wasn’t effective. It felt too good; Mello shuddered and moaned above him.

“If you're going out,” whispered Matt, as he kissed Mel’s ear, then his cheek, and along his neck. “I'm going out too, with a bang, and... like I said, we're going to find each other again, and... everything's goin' to work out, and-"

“Yes, _yes_ ,” Mello exhaled. Matt smiled at him as though he were seeing a miracle, and then kissed him on his open mouth. It was slow, and careful, like Matt  wanted to memorize him; _as if he hadn’t done that already._

“ _Fuck_ , Mihael; I… you’re… you’re really here,” he said. He pulled his fingers out of Mello, and traced an invisible line from Mello's temple down to his chin. Looking at him with something akin to wonder, he pushed hair out of his face and opened and closed his mouth, as though he wanted to say something-- _anything_ \-- but was at a loss for words.

“Yeah,” Mello groaned, “I’m with you.”

Slowly, and then all at once, Matt’s lips stretched into a watery smile, and Mello? All Mello could do was shift above him and guide himself slowly onto Matt’s cock. Precome oozed from it- they didn’t have time to buy condoms, and after all this time, it seemed redundant- and Mello exhaled a shaking sigh. He knocked his head back, and closed his eyes; it was too embarrassing to look at Matt when they were doing this.

“I love you,” Matt told the space behind Mello’s ear; his cheeks; his temple; the gap between his parted lips, “ _I love you_ ; and, I wanna… wanna do everything with you.. wanna spend every day with you and wake up with you and go to sleep with you knowing… knowing you’ll still be there in the morning, _oh fuck_ \--”

Mello slid down completely, and Matt whined low in his throat. Mello rested their foreheads together. Perched in his lap, there was no height difference between them.

Mello cupped Matt’s face; he exhaled a shaking breath, and stared back into dark blue eyes.

“You’re so beautiful,” Matt told him, tone akin to awe.

Mello’s stomach flipped. _Why did we wait why is this now when there's no more time why is Matt saying all of this-_ He rolled his hips to distract himself, and Matt groaned in appreciation. His stupid, stupid smile hadn’t ceased, either.

“Mihael…,” Matt breathed, “Fuck-  _fuck_ , I love you- I love you- _I love you-_ ”

Mello twisted his hips once more. His breath was coming short, now, and he kissed Matt; it was more tongue than anything, and for a long while, they simply breathed into each other’s mouths as Mello moved.

“I love you, too..." His voice broke as he said it, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. The words flowed out of his mouth- slowly, and then all at once- and they weren’t as hurried or desperate as Matt’s were; they weren’t on a battlefield, afterall, and they never would be, not after today. He'd been facing the reality for days, but as the words came out, the meaning sunk in. They'd leave the apartment separately today, and-

“I love you,” repeated Mello, “I love you, and I- I want to be with you.”

Matt smiled widely at that, and then, the tears came. Mello wasn’t sure who cried first-- their cheeks were pressed so closely together it was hard to tell-- but it happened; Mello’s eyes stung, and Matt thumbed away stray tears as Mello did the same to him. Matt was laughing, too, laughing at how obscene this whole thing was.

“Shit,” Matt rasped, “You’re here- _you’re here_ -”

Mello couldn’t reply. Matt had begun to thrust up, and he’d unraveled in his arms. All he could do was gasp and moan and dig his nails into Matt’s shoulders as his back bowed. He sobbed into the crook of his neck as Matt stroked him- and it didn't last long- and his vision went white. He came all over Matt’s fingers and collapsed against him, holding onto his arms-- those strong biceps of his; _he used to be so skinny!-_ and pushing himself down closer to Matt. Matt jerked up, and with Mello’s name on his lips, he filled Mello up and came hard.

For a moment, neither of them moved; Mello tried to regain his breath, but it was difficult. Matt wiped away his tears and, gross, pulled snot up his nose as he wrapped his arms around Mello and laced his fingers together behind his back. Mello rested his head on his shoulders, and drew nonsense patterns and words on his back.

 _Mail_ , his fingers traced, then _Kira_ and _home-_


End file.
